Class-Safe Jokes

They’re not from the most popular kids joke book, Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids, but they are still sure to get a chuckle. So, I have a joke for you. How many potatoes does it take… Actually, that’s not really appropriate. What about… No,no, neither is that one. Now I think about it, it’s actually pretty hard to find a joke that is both funny and SFW.

In a recent thread on reddit, titled ‘What is the most intelligent but yet funniest joke you’ve ever heard?‘, this challenge was answered with some classics, that are not only intelligent, but are also the perfects quips to throw into your lessons and add a bit of humour. Happy Friday!

Mathematics

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible. The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it. The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock. The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.

There’s a fine line between numerator and denominator.


There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who know binary, and those who don’t.


 

Chemistry

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce “unionized”.

16 Sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed by Batman – NaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNA BATMAN!

 

Language

An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn’t a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.” – A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

What’s the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist? An etymologist knows the difference.


It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.


A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus. “You mean a Martini?” the bartender asks. The Roman replies, “if I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”

 

Statistics

A physicist, a chemist, and a statistician walk into an office to discover the trash can is on fire. The physicist announces “We must put the garbage can in the fridge so that the temperature will be below the ignition temperature and therefore put itself out!” The chemist replies “No, we must cover the garbage can so that the fire consumes all of the oxygen and, in the absence of reactants, can no longer continue!” Meanwhile, the two turn around to find that the statistician is running around the room setting everything else on fire. “What the hell are you doing??” “Getting a proper sample size!”

Your momma is so mean, she has no standard deviation.


There are 2 types of people in the world. Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data


 

Physics

Know why Polish airlines only fill half of an airplane for each flight? Poles on the right half of the plane are unstable.

A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks, “Can I help you with your luggage?” It replies, “I don’t have any. I’m traveling light.”

I tried walking up a hill without a watch but had neither the time nor the inclination.


 

Medicine

“What kind of work do you do?” “Oh, I work with kidneys.” “So do you work in nephrology or pediatric orthopedics?”

 

Have any good gags to share? Let us know your best class-safe joke by leaving it in the comments below.

 

Source: reddit

Feature image courtesy of Flickr, TheeErin.

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